Balancing Boundaries & Advice from Friends and Family

By Brooke Abbott Abron

From the moment you announce a new baby is on the way, advice starts pouring in from every direction. Your well-meaning grandmother reminisces about how she raised six kids without a stroller or a carseat. Your best friend swears by a sleep training method that sounds nothing like what you had in mind. That one coworker insists you’ll "ruin your baby" if you don’t follow their parenting style. It’s a lot! And while there’s wisdom to be gained from experienced voices, the reality is that every child, every family, and every parenting journey is unique. So how do you find the balance between respecting well-intended advice and maintaining your own boundaries? Let’s dive in.

Honoring Traditions Without Losing Yourself

I come from a close, multicultural family with rich traditions passed down through generations. I believe in the beauty and comfort traditions provide, offering a foundation of belonging. However, as a parent, it’s up to you to decide which traditions to keep, modify, or let go. Just because something has been done for generations doesn’t mean it’s the best fit for your family today.

Maybe your family believes in starting solid foods early, but your pediatrician advises otherwise. Or perhaps there’s an expectation that you’ll parent exactly as your mother did, but your circumstances are entirely different. For example, every mother after my great-grandmother on my mother’s side worked outside the home. I was the first woman in four generations to choose to be a stay-at-home mom, even if only until my child started kindergarten. This meant that much of the advice I sought from my mother, grandmother, aunties, and cousins didn’t always apply because our mothering journeys were different. Letting go of expectations and embracing what worked for my own family allowed me to create a parenting approach that felt right for us.

Filtering Advice Through Your Own Values

Not all advice is bad, but not all advice is right for you. Some people swear by strict schedules, while others champion a more relaxed approach. Some believe in co-sleeping, while others warn against it. The key is filtering advice through the lens of your parenting philosophy, your child’s unique needs, and what actually works for your household.

How to handle it:
First sit down and discuss with your partner what works for both of you. Set a tone for your parenthood journey, while understanding that you need to leave room to evolve and pivot. Stay open to advice always, however before taking advice to heart, ask yourself: Does this align with my values? Does this work for my child? Does this make me feel confident as a parent? If the answer is no, it’s okay to let it go without guilt.

Setting Boundaries with Love

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about creating space where you can thrive as a parent. If a family member is overstepping, gently but firmly remind them that you’re making the best choices for your child.

How to handle it:

• If someone keeps pushing unwanted advice, try: "I appreciate your input, but we’re happy with our approach right now."

• If someone disregards a parenting choice you’ve made (like screen time limits or dietary preferences), try: "I know you have the best intentions, but we’ve made this decision for a reason, and we’d really love your support."

• If a conversation is getting overwhelming, it’s okay to step away: "Thanks for sharing! Let’s talk about something else—I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to."

Embracing Expert Guidance (Without Ignoring Your Instincts)

It’s easy to get lost in the sea of parenting blogs, books, and online forums. Expert advice is valuable, but remember that even the best research doesn’t account for your child’s individual personality, needs, and circumstances.

How to handle it:
Use expert advice as a guide, not a rulebook. Trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to adapt as you go. If something isn’t working, it’s okay to pivot—even if it goes against what the experts say.

Creating a Support System That Respects Your Choices

Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family who respect your parenting decisions makes all the difference. Find your village—the people who listen without judgment, offer advice only when asked, and remind you that you’re doing an amazing job.

How to handle it:
If certain relationships feel more stressful than supportive, it’s okay to set emotional boundaries. Lean on those who uplift you, and don’t be afraid to step back from conversations that leave you doubting yourself.

Final Thoughts: You Know Your Baby Best

At the end of the day, you are the expert on your child. Advice from family and friends can be helpful, but it’s just that—advice. You get to decide what works, what doesn’t, and how you shape your parenting journey. Be kind to yourself, trust your instincts, and know that your love and dedication are what matter most.

And remember—no matter what choices you make, you are the best parent for your child.

Brooke Abbott Abron for Giggles LA: Known as Crazy Creole Mommy online, Brooke is a mom, advocate, activist, babywearing educator, and writer. As the founder of IBDMoms, she combines practical tips, mom advice, and evidence-based insights from her own lived experience to help families navigate both the joys and challenges of parenting.